His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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