bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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