It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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