Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
