I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
