Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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