Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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