"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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