I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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