it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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