found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
