Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want to have your abortion
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As shirtless as possible
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
