just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
