i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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