ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
