I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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