the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
