so explain again why im purple
no
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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