i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
