Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
