Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
