What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
