dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
