bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
