if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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