she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
