I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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