Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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