Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
