So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
