i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
