All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
