Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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