OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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