In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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