I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
