you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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