Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
