I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
