I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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