Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
