You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
