Screwed.edu
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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