just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
