just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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