So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We smell like vodka and hangover
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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