people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
