somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
