Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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