He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
