Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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