Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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