he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
