you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
