and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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