Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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