I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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