Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
