You can't motorboat a personality
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
