My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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