Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
