my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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