Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
