My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
