I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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