I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
