she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
