How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
