i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize