he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
