mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
