absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize