Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Randomize