I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I smell like Dick and happiness
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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