Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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