i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
