sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize