i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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