i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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