some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
